WNT: In Pursuit of Longevity

Greetings, friends. Life got you down? Losing that pep in your step? Do you find that you feel like your body is slowly turning into a creaking decrepit husk? Well, it is.

Have no fear, though. In this week’s episode of Wednesday Night Theater, renowned gerontologist and Rasputin lookalike Aubrey de Grey wants you to know that aging is a disease— and he’s devoted himself to finding the cure. Despite what de Grey’s rather whackadoodle appearance may lead you to assume, this cure doesn’t involve magic crystals, homeopathic ointments, magnetic sleeping harnesses, etc. but rather finding out exactly what causes our tissues to age and figuring out how to stop it.

I have the sneaking suspicion that this whole thing is part of an elaborate attempt to grow the longest beard imaginable.

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